The Long Way Here
A book series about identity, memory, longing, and the lives we build after survival.
These are stories about what comes after--after the leaving, the loss, the years spent holding everything together. About men who know how to function but don't always know how to live. About intimacy that almost happens, love that arrives at the wrong time, and the slow, uncomfortable work of becoming someone capable of being known.
“Somewhere in this city is the man I’m supposed to fall in love with. I believe this the way some people believe in God: without proof, against evidence, because the alternative is a life I don’t know how to live.”
And beneath all of it is the five-year-old boy who stood on a sidewalk in New Mexico and watched his mother drive away. That moment shaped everything--the way he loves, the way he pulls back, the way he convinces himself that distance is safer than being left.
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Before I Knew My Name is a novel about masculinity, memory, desire, and the fragile, stubborn possibility of connection.
Book One - Before I Knew My Name
A story about the life you survive and the life you still want.
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Forty-five years old. Single. A government job, a therapist he actually listens to, and a miniature Goldendoodle named Clark who has claimed two-thirds of the bed. Joaquin Aberra has built a life in Washington, DC that looks stable, functional, even successful from the outside. What he hasn't figured out is how to feel at home in it.
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Because the truth is, his life isn't empty--but it isn't full either. It's a series of almosts. Almost relationships. Almost itimacy. Nights that begin with the possibility of connection and end with the quiet understanding that he's still alone.
About
Joshua McCray
Joshua McCray writes fiction about identity, memory, longing, and the lives we build after survival. His work explores masculinity, family, and the complicated, often beautiful process of becoming someone new. He lives in Washington, DC, where he works, writes, and continues to believe—against better judgment—that love is still possible. Before I Knew My Name is his debut novel.
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Common Questions
Are your characters based on real people?
Yes and no. No one in the book is a direct copy of a real person (I like my relationships too much for that), but they’re all built from pieces of real life—things I’ve seen, felt, remembered, or couldn’t quite forget. So while they’re fictional, the emotional truth is very real.
What will happen to Joaquin?
I wish I could tell you he has everything figured out, but that would be a very different (and probably less interesting) book. He’s at that point where your life looks fine on paper, but something underneath it doesn’t quite fit. What happens next… is the story.
Are the places in the book real?
Some of them are, yes. Washington, DC and the Southwest are very real places in my life and in the book. But like most fiction, things get rearranged, combined, and occasionally invented to serve the story. So if something feels real—it probably is, just not always in the way you think.
Is this series going to television?
From your lips to someone in Hollywood’s ears. Nothing official right now, but I’d love to see these characters brought to life on screen if the right opportunity comes along.
Do you do in-person events?
I do—or at least, I’m open to it. Readings, conversations, book clubs, all of it. If you’re interested in having me, reach out. I promise I’m less intimidating than my characters.